Getting your Child

...off to a good start at school

Before your kids hit the books this fall, have a heart-to-heart about grades, friends and activities, says TODAY contributor Dr. Ruth Peters.

I surely need to do this to my daughter. She easily get distructed. Oh yeah- I talked to her the other day that staying up late is over!

By Ruth A. Peters, Ph.D.
TODAYShow.com contributor

We all want a smooth transition from summer to school, but face it folks,
that’s probably not going to happen! The time for staying up late, sleeping
in, wearing PJ’s most of the day and hanging out with friends is quickly
coming to an end as summer wanes and the back-to-school sales are in full
force. So, whether your child is attending grade-, middle- or high school
there are some areas and issues that need to be dealt with, discussed and
delegated as school winds up again. Ready? Let’s take a look at what you
can do now to help your child get off to a good start at school!

Set expectations reasonably and wisely

Early morning expectations
Start now by slowly lowering the bedtime at night so that the alarm clock will not seem to ring so early the following morning. Even if your child does not, at this time, need to get up early, do begin this regimen to get their body clock back into sync with the school bus schedule and the responsibilities that need to take place before leaving the house in the morning. Review whether showers will be taken at night or first thing in the morning, and I suggest that brushing teeth and hair, getting fully dressed (including shoes and socks) all occur before coming to the breakfast table. Parents “lose” their kids at breakfast as they memorize the back of the cereal box, so let’s get work (dressing) completed before play (box-reading) and nix the television or electronic games before school. Also, consider the new school dress codes that are arriving this fall when shopping at the mall — many schools are putting the kibosh on sleeveless tops and shorts that end more than two inches above the knee. Check your local school district’s web site for specifics so that you don’t
waste money on clothing that can’t be used. The point of planning ahead in terms of getting ready on time is to lower the early morning drama that attacks almost all households the first few weeks of school — so think ahead, plan and set up the necessary structure for your children. A chart of what must be completed before breakfast, taped onto the refrigerator or bathroom mirror, will make it clear what needs to be accomplished so that your children will be ready on time.

Expectations regarding friends
Especially if your child hung around with some not-so-desirable buddies
last school year, it’s a good idea at this time to discuss a few folks who
you will be discouraging your child from having friendships with, but also
focus on the ones that you trust and feel are good friends and role models
for your children. Stress that your child’s friends should be reasonably
courteous, not get into trouble at school, take school seriously and
receive at least average grades. Your child may balk at your “picking his
friends for him,” but you have the right and the responsibility as a parent
to promote kids with good values and behaviors. Remember, who your child
hangs around with at school may be out of your control, but you certainly
hold the reins to after-school and weekend activities.

Expectations for grades, behaviors, detentions and the consequences that
follow
This is an excellent point in the school year to review your grade expectations for your child. Consider previous years and gauge your child’s true ability on past grades, teacher reports as well as standardized testing. And, then, raise the bar a bit. Numerous psychological studies have shown that kids who were expected by parents and teachers to perform higher than would be predicted from their actual intellectual tests do perform better — basically, if kids think that they can do it, they can!
So, be specific — “No grade below a B unless there is a specific problem that we are aware of and are working on” may fit your child, or a higher or lower expectation may be appropriate. Also discuss what consequences will occur at home if detentions, tardiness or school skipping occur. These should be dealt with seriously, and home-based consequences such as weekend freedoms, electronics usage, bedtimes, curfews or allowances can be attached to behavior and performance at school.